Stereotypical Teammates (which one are you?)

By Rob Davies

A good sports team requires players with different skill sets and personalities to come together as one unit. Take a good look up and down the cast of characters on your roster. How many of these classic stereotypes do you have on your team?

Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde
If you have ever uttered the words, “but he is such a nice guy off the field”, you know exactly who I am talking about. Pre-game, this person is calm and even socially shy. But once the game starts his competitive juices know no restraints and he morphs into something unrecognizable. Vocal and aggressive, this is the guy that puts your spirit points at risk every week. Once the game ends, the transformation is reversed and order is restored. Welcome back, psycho.


The Bar Dude
Win or lose, you know this guy is always up for going to the bar after the game. In fact, he probably starts recruiting a few days in advance, and will call out the lameness of any excuse you muster up (even after the late game!). Regardless of what you decide, this guy is bar bound and his coaxing will often convince the fence-sitters to tag along. It is only when he misses a game that your team realizes; Bar Guy is the glue that holds your team together.


The Recruiter
This player is well connected within your sport and seems to have a handful of substitute players on speed dial. A few teammates have bailed on you last minute? No problem. The Recruiter is your go-to resource for filling the void.  And, almost as if they are returning the favour, the Recruiter is often the first to volunteer when other teams come looking for an extra body for their game..


The Silent Partner
On any given night, there is only a 20% chance that this teammate will actually make it to your game. Being one of the first people to pay the team captain in full, The Silent Partner doesn’t feel the need to justify their absence. When pressed for a reason, recurring excuses often include: “I can’t do early games”, “I can’t do late games”, “work is crazy”, and the always popular “something came up”. There are two things that you can count on from the Silent Partner: (a) they always show up when your team makes the final, and (b) they are ready to pay in full for next season.


The Bailer
This teammate is a first cousin of the Silent Partner. They will give you a “100% guarantee” that they are going to be at the game and you count on them to show up. Yet when game time rolls around, they are nowhere to be found. They’ll text you midway through the game with a cheery “I totally forgot! Next week for sure. Sorry dude!”


Clutch is the player on your team that steps it up when the pressure is on. Just when your team needs a big boost, Clutch comes through with a great defensive play or an important goal. This player will save their best for the games that matter most.  If your team doesn’t typically have a lot of success, you probably don’t have a Clutch on your roster.


Mr. Injury
Every team has one of these. Odds are if someone on your team is going to get injured, it is this guy.  Is it his playing style, bad luck or they are simply too brittle? Probably a little of everything. Random slip tweaks his back? Check. ACL tear? Been there, done that. Errant ball to the groin? Yup…Mr. Injury.


Stats Guy
While not usually blessed with the best on-court skills, this cerebral player acts in a dual role as both team scout and analytics manager.  The Stats Guy can give you the run down on any of your opponents: what place they are in the standings, their +/-, which other teams they have beat, and what your historical record is against them. Stats guy is usually in tune with his personal stats too, and can tell you how many goals he scored back in 2008.


The Cheerleader
This player is definitely the nicest person on your team. And, while the Cheerleader wants to win the game, they don’t always know the score. Rarely uttering a negative word, the Cheerleader congratulates you for every well played shift, and shouts encouragement from start to end. Sometimes, the Cheerleader even convinces you to try out a new team cheer they dreamt up at work that day.

SNL 40th Anniversary Special

The Rulebook
When it comes to the rules, nothing gets past this player. They may be one of the only participants on the field to have actually read the rules line by line, and they have a printed copy in their gym bag to prove it. This player, while sometimes described as “a bit too type A”, plays a crucial role in resolving on field conflicts with their undisputed knowledge of rules for all situations.


Perpetual Sub
So you needed a last minute sub for your first game and this player fills in. The next week your attendance is looking low and the sub is back again. Before you know it, this player has become your team’s Perpetual Sub and has played more games than most of your “full time” teammates.  The good news? They qualify for playoffs. The bad news? Your captain was too sheepish to ask them for any team fees.

Netherlands v Costa Rica: Quarter Final - 2014 FIFA World Cup Brazil


Any of these stereotypes describe your teammates? Forward this along to your current roster and see if they agree!

~Written by Rob Davies

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