There has been a lot of talk lately about the need to increase goal scoring in the NHL.
One school of thought suggests that the nets should be made larger. They say that today’s goalies are just too positionally sound, so a larger net will give the advantage back to the shooters. Even Sportsnet’s Elliotte Friedman thinks that these larger nets could be trialed during the All-Star game because, you know, that event needs another gimmick. While we are at it, let’s also raise the NBA hoops to 15 feet and double the size of a standard tennis court. Preposterous!
Others have suggested that the equipment worn by goalies is too big. That may be true, but none of the people making this suggestion are willing to stand in front of an 105 MPH slapshot. Maybe today’s bigger netminder has more to do with the average body size of the goalies themselves. Gone are the days of having a 5-foot-8 Andy Moog or a 5-foot-10 Grant Fuhr. Nowadays, the average goalie size is 6 foot 2, with some players topping out at 6-foot-7 (Ben Bishop, Tampa Bay Lightning).
While that debate rages on, here are some equally ludicrous ideas for how to increase scoring in the NHL.
SMALLER PUCKS. Yup, the little black biscuit that Americans can’t see without a red streak is too big. Let’s reduce its size by two-thirds and watch the goalies struggle to contain the tiny rubber disc.
NO GOALIE MASKS. You want to restrict goalie safety in the name of boosting goals? Fine. Let’s take it to the extreme and go back to the days when goalies didn’t wear helmets at all. How many trophies can Carey Price win with no bucket? Aim high early.
6-ON-6, NO TENDERS. Do you think this 3-on-3 nonsense is ruining the integrity of the game? Let’s get back to 5 players each, and then both teams pull their goalie to make 6. And, no standing in the crease Phaneuf.
NO DEDICATED GOALTENDERS. Remember your house league hockey team where you would rotate the goalie position amongst your roster? Let’s try that! The entertainment value would be off the charts, and the impact to fantasy rosters would be mind blowing. “Hey I’ve got 2 tickets to the Penguins game this weekend, and Sidney Crosby will be in net for the 3rd period!”.
TABLE HOCKEY RULES: Players must stay in their predetermined lanes with minimal overlap. Sure, body checking may be eliminated, but when the centre player finally gets the puck on his stick he will have unlimited time to set himself up for a sweet snipe. Don’t forget that one player will also be awarded the use of a really long stick so that pucks don’t get stuck behind the net.
Here’s a novel idea, what if we actually just leave the game alone for now! It has never been faster. The players have never been more athletic. It is an exciting game to watch!
~Written by Rob Davies
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