Happy Holidays Blog-o-sphere! It’s that time of year again where it’s cool to watch Christmas movies! And thank god, because there are some real classics that have been sitting on the shelf (or on Netflix) and need the respect paid. Here is our indisputable list of the top 12 Christmas movies guaranteed to keep you busy from now until New Year’s. Seriously, this is the only list you’ll ever need to read.
12. Scrooged (1988): I’m going to go out on a limb and say that many of you have not seen this gem, which is a damn shame! This is Bill Murray at his finest. A maniacal TV executive visited by the ghosts of his past, present and future, searches for redemption. As is Murray’s way, despite his contemptible behaviour, you can’t help but love his soft soul.
11. A Christmas Story (1983): I know, it’s hard to believe this one is all the way down at 11 (that just shows how solid this list is). This movie is a staple for many childhoods including my own. We all wanted the Daisy Red Ryder carbine-action, two hundred shot Range Model air rifle with a compass in the stock. If anything this movie is hurt right now by its hipster relevance.
10. The Family Stone (2005): Man on man this one gets you right in the feels towards the end. You’re 4 eggnogs in, the December buzz is hitting you nicely and then Whammo! the next thing you know you, and your equally as lubricated uncle, are both choking back tears so as not to appear at all vulnerable! Great movie and cast. And it doesn’t hurt that Dermot Mulroney is a dreamboat..
9. Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer (1964): Don’t even get me started…I get it. Number 9…How the hell is this number 9? How is this delicious mouthful of childhood memories ranked so low?!!! Well I’ll tell you why… 7 reindeer…7 f*ing reindeer in the closing shot as Santa flies away. How the hell does this happen when the whole movie including the g-damn song says “You know Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen…” Which two Reindeer did Santa take behind the wood shed?!!! This is definitely my longest running nightmare.
8. Edward Scissor Hands (1990): Now here’s a movie everyone can get behind. A wonderful story about Christmas in suburbia and HOLY SH*T THAT GUY HAS SCISSORS FOR HANDS! And we’re not talking about nail clippers; this guy has mitts made out of garden shears! Viewer beware though…this is another stealthy tear jerker.
7. A Christmas Carol (1951): Did you know that there are people out there who put ketchup on pizza? Did you know this? A pizza artist prepares a pizza and delivers it to your house, and then some crazy family member puts ketchup on it. This is what I think of when I see the technicolor version of this movie. This is a great movie, but if you don’t watch it in Black and White you’re probably the type of person that would put ketchup on pizza.
6. A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965): This cartoon was poor, even by 1965 standards. The sound tracking and editing is awful, and unfortunately today it’s been cut and edited so many times that I am pretty sure we’re just watching a camcorder VHS lip dub. Still, when Linus Van Pelt walks out on stage and lays it down the magic happens. He drops the mic and for a few brief seconds, we all feel like the best versions of ourselves, inspired to go out and be a bit nicer to those around us.
5. Rocky (1976): Listen… don’t skip this one. Forget everything you know about Stallone and Rocky. Forget the Expendables and Rambo. Forget all the Rocky sequels (yea I know, some of them are okay). Rocky is a must see movie. It is painful, raw, imperfect and so so real. This is one of the most beautiful films made in the last 50 years, and you are robbing yourself if you don’t watch this one.
4. Die Hard/Die Harder (1988/1990): Now these are true holiday masterpieces! And if you haven’t noticed, Die Harder has aged incredibly well. It is not the ugly stepchild of Die Hard. It perfectly complements it.
3. Elf (2003): I keep waiting for this movie to wear on me. I keep waiting for Will Farrell’s shtick to get old and annoying. But it doesn’t. Perfect ensemble cast. Slightly inappropriate humour, but clean enough to have on with your nieces and nephews running around. Pre-famous Zooey Deschanel (Meooow!), Crusty James Caan, Artie Lange as store Santa, aaaaand Bob Newhart. It’s Christmas gold… or in this list’s case…bronze!
2. National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989): This Christmas movie is like the perfect storm. Like when meteorologist gets all hot and sweaty about a Nor-east’r colliding with a Colorado Low. Did you ever look at this movie from the point of view that the preppy arseholes next door were entirely reasonable people? Your neighbour’s hillbilly cousin is emptying his full crapper into the storm drain in front of your house and you’re expected to say nothing?!!!
1. Home Alone (1990): John Hughes is the king. What a perfect movie. This is the greatest Christmas movie ever because it gives everyone two things they really truly want for Christmas: 90 minutes of peace and quiet from the nattering of your grandmother and noisy aunt, and the reminder of just how much they mean to you.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone! Go and do something nice for someone you don’t know. It’s the best gift you can give to someone else and yourself.
~Written by Trevor Shelly